Communication Strategies
When you and your former partner separate you both will need to make many decisions about how to handle your finances. You will need to communicate effectively and in some instances you may need to get help to resolve difficult issues.
The source of most post-separation conflict is ineffective communication. If you can learn to relate to your former partner in a business-like manner and avoid games that put your children in the middle, you will be able to negotiate informally to resolve financial issues in your children’s best interest.
Agreements about Financial Support
Agreements or orders that address child support and spousal support generally refer to ongoing financial responsibilities. It is important to have any agreement or order about support and that you understand the details.
If you have negotiated an agreement or order that addresses support it is important that you respect the terms of the agreement or order because it is a legal contract and can be enforced.
If you are the payor, you should prioritize paying your support in a timely manner. It should have the same level of importance as paying your mortgage or rent. The parent receiving the support is counting on that money to pay their mortgage or rent, and other bills.
Beyond a support agreement or order you may find yourself having to communicate with your child’s other parent about extra expenses (those not covered in the agreement or order) and unexpected expenses (those that are not planned).
Communicating About Expenses
There are many options for communicating with the other parent. You can communicate in person, on the phone, by letter, by fax, by email or by text message. Each may be appropriate for the situation but be sure to consider how your former partner may view the method of communication. Make sure to prepare what you are going to say ahead of time.
Attention
Research has shown that involving the other parent in the decision-making process increases their willingness to contribute to unexpected expenses. It is also important to remember that a request for money always provokes an emotional response.
When someone is approached unexpectedly about contributing money it is easy to go on the defensive. The parent being asked may feel they have already paid their child support and shouldn’t have to contribute anything more. The inference is that the other parent should be managing their money more effectively.
The reality is that money is personal, and the parent being asked may not want to reveal their financial situation. If there isn’t extra money to contribute, the responding parent has the choice of either turning down the request, or offering to help out at the expense of other bills.
Talking about Money
Tips for communicating during negotiations
For more on communicating with a former spouse see Communicating Constructively.
