Children of divorce who are exposed to conflict between their parents, or between a parent and family members, develop a fear of personal vulnerability. As a result they are constantly concerned with how much money they have, insecurity can govern their lives. Ask children of divorce what they want to do in life, and many will respond, “make money.”

Children need to be taught that the true measure of self-worth is personal integrity, not net worth. They need a basic sense of self-esteem in order to feel confident, to use their initiative, and to try new things. Some separated parents have difficulty modelling these qualities for their children.

Here are some suggestions for helping your children understand that money matters, but love matters more:

• Assure your children about your commitment to their support
• Expect your children to help with family finances through careful spending and possibly part-time work
• Encourage your children to discover their own passionate interests
• Do not “put down” your child’s other parent for giving gifts, and don’t make your children feel guilty accepting them
• Demonstrate to your children that the time you spend with them is more important than the money you spend on them
• Make it clear that you will not be ruled by fads and advertising
• Create an atmosphere where the children can ask about and understand family finances

After separation parents do not automatically have control of their children’s property (including money). Certain types of property, such as trust accounts or money from personal injury settlements are sometimes managed by a private trustee, who might be a parent, or by a provincial agency called the Public Guardian and Trustee. Under the Family Law Act guardians can manage small amounts of money that belong to their children but safeguards are built into the law to reduce the risk of mismanagement.